the twilight hem
fades my body
the mouth of the bone
vomits caterpillar nests
until dawn breaks
Narrowing of My Past World
Since June 2019, when the first pain hit me, to today, day of my hip replacement surgery, I experienced the narrowing of my physical world.
More than pain, the slow restriction of movement is what was the most painful and scary for me to go through – because I started with a wide and free range that I never doubted or questioned before!
But at the same time, I have experienced a widening of my will to creatively do something with it, and keep it stimulating. Listening to my body screaming its materiality in a new and unwanted way, made me reconnect with the present and the presence
- of the world,
- of the body,
- of time passing,
- of myself as one unique changing being.
My degenerating hip made me touch in real time the concept of transformation that I am so fond of.
Fear of The Present
Of course, things are still scary. I am submerged with questions and doubts: from will I wake up from it to will this surgery give me back all my range of motion?
I have a joke with my sister about doing the split at Christmas… we laugh a lot about it.
But this figurative split is the image of my usual range of motion. The little girl in me is screaming: “I need it! I want it back!”
How can I let this go…
by the bite of time
in the gear
the joint stutters
leaves the desire mute
Learning from my year and a half of “physical loss and creative gain”, I will be able to let it go and trust in what is coming up for me.
Opening to A Different Moving Future
I am diving into the unknown again, to find new territories in me to work and dance from.
And I promise myself to spring off from where I am when I wake up form this surgery.
branch or root
cells and atoms
recompose the momentum
forget the heartbreak
in a step
Farewell to My (Inspiring) Broken Body
Using the soundscape I built for last week’s blog and poems I wrote from the perspective of my degenerating hip, I created a short screendance as an homage to the learning this injury has thought me.
I am entering my vulnerability through the door of my broken body and my narrowing world, one last time before surgery.